you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
