I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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