Already got asked if we're dating
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
