Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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