What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
