yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
