Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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