i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
