My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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