I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
