i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I stole a fireplace last night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
