Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
