Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
