i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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