even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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