I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
