oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
