Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
