our cab driver is having phone sex.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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