Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
