the condom got lost in my hair
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
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