Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I can't turn off my feet"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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