I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
