I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
