I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
