living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
