I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
