White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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