Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
