Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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