You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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