I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
