she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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