I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
