youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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