I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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