I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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