mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
