Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
