i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
