Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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