I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i wish my penis had a tongue
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
