So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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