1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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