would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
