It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
