found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
