Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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