He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
