I think my vagina is haunted
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
