I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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