My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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