maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
