yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
