so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
