I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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