i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
