also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
