They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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