You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
is wine microwaveable?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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