if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
