6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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