hotel room ftw
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I said "one day" and that day is not today
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
