Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
