T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize