I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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