beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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