there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
