my phone needs a breathalizer
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
