i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
